Comment on Who am I discipling? by susie

susie — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 12:29:14 +0000

I have been in turmoil this week because I am neither living as the disciple God intended me to be, nor able to teach my children (10,8,4,3,1) nor others to be something I’m not -I felt as though I have damaged their perception of my spiritual integrity – but God is gracious – and gives when we ask – in the last 2 days I feel we are all making progress as a family spiritually – yet – I don’t feel like I have the energy to teach the younger 3 children to know and love God – I feel overwhelmed – yet the reason I wanted children was to share God with them. I find it hard to fit into churches – or any other group situations for that matter – i tend to over analyse everything in life – attempts to join any groups – church, playgroup, anything are by and large disastrous – except my old friendship groups christian or secular – yet I want to connect my children to other christian children – my children have just started attending Christadelphian Heritage college in the basin – excellent school – I realise that the Christadelphians have some doctrinal differences to mainstream churches yet I perceived the work of the holy spirit amongst them so I sent the eldest 2 to their sunday schools for the last 5 years and recently their school – However we are not Christadelphians and while I appreciate and respect their in depth studies of the bible even to children of a young age and their church activities to keep young people connected to the church – I have recently pulled my children out of their Sunday schools (without any hard feelings) as I want them to see the different spiritual strengths of the mainstream churches. I tried going to upwey baptist for a few weeks, and everyone was welcoming, however, there were no children of the same age as my older children – and my younger children are embarrassing in public, i ended up missing the message as the baby was so noisy during the meeting – I am so scared of failing in my duty as a mother to bring my children to a full and meaningful relationship with God – to see and know Jesus – yet my days are a bit of a whirl – our family atmosphere is often tense as my husband works long hours and I try to create some order – and perhaps I am not the gentlest of personalities – but with tension in the air – I frequently feel embarassed in front of my children to teach them about God because perhaps by my behaviour i am shaming him. I feel wholly inadequate – not to mention if i stay up on a saturday night to spend time with my husband and watch a movie or play cards after everyone is asleep and the dishes are done etc. I cant make it to church on Sunday morning anyway!!!! Sorry to burden you – I’ve started to meet with 3 other women to pray together sometimes at night sometimes in the day time – but i’m not sure if that is just what I’ll have to settle with and some radio fellowship or internet fellowship until the children are older ?? Perhaps this was not what you meant when you wrote “LEAVE A REPLY” but I wondered if this was my opportunity to share my dilema

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Comment on Who am I discipling? by susie